Dear China,

I know we've been a little at odds these days and I just wanted to air things out. I've taken a lot of flak for you over the years for ignoring your occupation of Tibet, your terrible human rights violations, this anti-dollar thing you came up with to make me look stupid when I try to buy things in your neighborhood, and I don't feel very appreciated. You and the U.S.S.R. - er...Russia have been watching me fight for my life - uh, something in the Middle East and haven't lifted a finger to help. It's almost as if you're waiting to see if I spread myself thin enough for you guys to take advantage of me or something...

Anyway, you killed my cats and dogs with the poisonous pet food and never said "Sorry". Then the toys started giving my kids lead poisoning and I was furious. Now you've gone and replaced the lead in the toys with a chemical that breaks down into the "date rape drug" when my kids put the pieces in their mouths? Some of my kids have gone into convulsions, even comas! You know how I feel about drugs, and everyone knows how I feel about children's healthcare. I've gotta ask - China, why are you treating me this way? Ever since you got the Olympics, you've been acting like your crap doesn't stink.

I think we need to take some time apart and re-evaluate our relationship. Sometimes you're a little abusive of our friendship in a passive-aggressive Agatha-Christie-arsenic-in-my-tea sort of way and I'm more than a little uncomfortable with that. Maybe we can sit down and talk about this soon, but I'm going to need some real effort on your part to start building trust again. I'll talk to you soon.


Missing the old days,

America

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.